For many people, it is likely that you will experience bullying in your lifetime. For most individuals, bullying is experienced the first time while attending school. Bullying can have long lasting effects on an individual and a lot of kids that are bullied carry the trauma into their adult life due to lack of appropriate care.

A bullied person will usually have some of the following signs and symptoms:

• Depression
• Anxiety
• Sadness
• Loneliness
• Have trouble sleeping
• Have a loss in things they once enjoyed
• Tend isolate themselves from others
• Tend to have a low self esteem
• Tend to have feelings of shame
• Eating will be either reduced and can even become anorexic or bulimic or can stress eat and start to gain weight
• Tend to get ill easily
• Physical health issues such as aches, pains, headaches, stomach aches; basically, physical health issues that cannot be explained
• Have suicidal thoughts, plans or attempts
• Can get PTSD from the bullying
• Start to have self destructive behavior including self-harm
• May turn to substance abuse to dull the pain
• They may have difficulty establishing trusting friendships & relationships

If you feel someone you know is being bullied, some things to watch for besides the symptoms above can include:

• Stolen, lost or damaged possessions
• All of a sudden not wanting to go to school or to work
• Has nightmares and trouble sleeping
• Changes appearance
• Changes personality
• Frequent headaches or stomach aches
• Change their online behavior
• Begins to bully friends or siblings
• Physical signs can include cuts, bruising, scratches, sprains and even broken bones

For many, the belief is that bullying has been reduced due to the acknowledgement of it within schools but when you speak to most young people that have experienced bullying, that is not the case at all. I have been witness to many that claim that in trying to speak up, they were made to:

• Feel like it was their fault
• Feeling even more embarrassed by the reaction of the adult
• Put in a room with the bully, an adult parent of the bully, a teacher and the bullied student (all alone). They have come out feeling traumatized all over again.
• They were not believed and yet no work was done to verify the story or to even get both sides
• Told to fight back, often by their parents, leaving them feeling even more scared because they don’t want violence in their life
• They were told they were being overly dramatic and told to just move on

The reality of bullying is that it is not just one day a year where everyone wears a pink shirt and the bullying will stop. The reality is that for a lot of kids, this is their daily life. Because of the shame and witnessing of many young people who have watched friends and other acquaintances go through the same thing, they shut down and shut up. Then when this young person attempts or commits suicide, everyone is shocked.

The reality is that bullying is preventable with ensuring that our kids are confident enough to come to us as parents. As parents, it is important that we listen to them and defend them to the systems that are not protecting them.

It is important that more effort is being made to protect children as well as adults from being bullied.

Unfortunately, social media makes bullying even easier. There are a bunch of keyboard warriors out there that think it is ok to bully and harass others to the point where we have seen some take their lives. It should never get to this. It is important that if you are being bullied that you take steps to get the bullying to stop.

If you have experienced bullying or are experiencing bullying, some steps you can take for yourself can include:

• Walk away from the situation
• Block the individual or individuals on all social platforms
• Block their number
• Seek assistance
  • If a child, talk to a parent or someone you trust
  • If a child, speak to a teacher
  • If at work, speak to HR
  • If outside of work, speak to a friend you trust
• Understand that this is not about you but rather about the bully; they are feeling lack in some area of their life if they need to try and bully
• Seek professional help to deal with the trauma from the bullying. It does not just go away if the bullying stops. Chances are you have embedded the trauma somewhere in your body and so dealing with it now will prevent long term effects and even poor life choices in the future from subconscious beliefs we are creating when we are being bullied.
• Never believe what the bully is saying as you are PERFECT exactly as you are

Remember, bullying is NEVER your fault. You can get past this. There are a lot of people who love you even if you are struggling to see it. Reach out because no one deserves to have to go through their life in fear of others. Get the help you need to process the trauma you have experienced from the bullying so that you don’t have to carry it around with you indefinitely.

If you would like further information about bullying, feel free to reach out to me at mseguin@peacefulconnections.ca.