When we talk about abuse, the first thing that comes to mind is physical abuse. The reality is that emotional abuse is usually the precursor before physical abuse.

Emotional abuse can be described as when one person belittles another. It is all verbally done and does not involve any physical touching. Types of emotional abuse can include:

• Ridiculing and insults
• Put downs
• Yelling
• Name calling
• Gaslighting
• Invading your privacy
• Made to feel punished when the abuser does not get what they want
• Isolating you from others
• Make direct and indirect threats towards you

The key thing to remember with emotional abuse is that the abuser is making the victim feel less than, ashamed, degraded or just basically threatened in some way.

There are many effects on people that have experienced emotional abuse and can include:

• Anxiety
• Chronic pain
• Difficulty focusing
• Feeling tense all the time
• Mood swings
• Feelings of guilt
• Inability to sleep
• Nightmares
• Racing heart
• Body aches and pains
• Withdrawal from others
• Feelings of loneliness
• Prolonged emotional abuse can even lead to ptsd

Emotional abuse is a more covert form of abuse as the abuser is using their words to cause long lasting pain and suffering on the victim. Someone who emotionally abuses another individual may do this in public or they may just do it behind closed doors where the only ones aware of it are the abuser and the victim. Therefore, individuals being emotionally abused may be harder to spot as they tend to do a good job of hiding how they are doing in public.

Physical abuse on the other hand can be described as intentionally causing physical suffering or bodily harm to another individual.

Physical abuse is the physical touching of the victim. Certain types of physical abuse can include:

• Biting
• Slapping
• Kicking
• Scratching
• Throwing things
• Pushing
• Choking or strangling
• Hitting victim with something
• Physically restraining victim
• Reckless driving

The key thing to remember with physical abuse is that the abuser is physically hurting the victim. Physical abuse is what most people think of when they think of abuse because it leaves physical marks on the victim.

There are many effects on people that have experienced emotional abuse and can include:

• Chronic pain
• Bruises and welts which may include black eyes
• Cuts and lacerations
• Broken bones
• Internal injuries
• Chronic pain
• External injuries
• Victims tend to withdraw from others
• Worsening health
• Unable to sleep
• Victim shows fear if someone raises their hand near them or raises their voice
• Physical abuse can lead to ptsd

Though you may see bruises on a victim of physical abuse, the victim may tend to lie about what actually happened because of fear of the abuser as well as they may feel ashamed of the situation. Victims of physical abuse may also hide their bruises so they are not seen by others.

Both types of abuse lead to long term trauma for the victims that have suffered it. Regardless, if the abuse has left external scars or not, both types of abuse lead to trauma by leaving embedded internal scars in the victim.

If you believe you are being abused emotionally or physically, the things to remember include:

• Remember this is not your fault
• Be gentle with yourself
• Talk to someone you trust
• Get help professionally
• Start to record the instances of abuse so that you can go back and read to remind yourself of the level and length of abuse you have suffered and when you get out of the abuse, it can be a reminder to you why going back is not an option
• Don’t beat yourself up emotionally for the situation
• Recognize what you are going through is about the abusers need for control, it is not anything you have done

If you believe someone you love is being abused emotionally or physically, the things to remember include:

• Be gentle with the person that is being abused, they need support and not someone else telling them what to do
• The longer the victim has been in the abuse, the more difficult it will be for that person to get out of it. So, if you are wanting to assist someone but they have been in the situation for a long period of time, remember it is not as easy for that person to get out as the abuse has become their normal. Be understanding of their situation.
• Find different assistance options in your area and provide that information to the abused individual
• Ask them if there is anything specific you can do to assist them
• Be there for them whenever they need you
• Realize that the victim will not be able to leave the abuse until they are ready to, it has to be on their terms or the chance of going back will be extremely high

Remember, whether you are the victim or you know someone that is being abused, support is what is required the most. If you would like further information or want to talk to someone about emotional or physical abuse and how it leaves trauma within your body, you can reach out at mseguin@peacefulconnections.ca